I have had many conversations with people over the years about 'broken families' and 'broken homes'. One conversation recently prompted me to write an article and send it out to my email list. My view is that a home where two people can't get along and that is volatile is the home that is broken. If you can't fix it after trying everything then you leave. Too many people want to stay in a home that is not peaceful because of some ideological view of what a family and a home means. While in a perfect world a family would always stay together and love one another. We don't live in a perfect world though and so we have to move on and we can only do that when we make peace with it and learn to love ourselves again.
Maybe it's because we say we have 'broken up' or been through a 'breakup' that we use similar language about the home that happened in. If you can't renovate the relationship and therefore the home then it might be time to move on. Some things can't be fixed because they aren't broken. They have just got to the end of their lifespan.
I don't have all the answers but I will always ask myself the questions. And I will have the conversations with others who are open to discussing these topics because that's how I learn, how I grow and how I develop a more peaceful mindset. If you want to read the full article you can find it read more here.
#families #relationships #brokenhomes #parenting
Imposter syndrome and overwhelm
Today has been one of those days. I was so excited to have a day at home and work from my home office with the Wonder Dog at my feet and the radio on in the background. After a brisk walk around the block with the Wonder Dog the day started well with a list full of things to get done and a mind full of good intentions. After crossing some things off the list it all kind of went pear shaped. I couldn't concentrate. I kept getting distracted and I thought of several more things to add to my list (at least I wasn't just doing nothing right?). And I still had the remnants of conversations from last night echoing in the back of my mind. When a friend asked about biggest fears I confessed.....I have a book inside me (well, several really) that might never get written and if it does who would read it? It was that conversation running around my already hyperactive brain when I went to sleep. And this morning it was there again. I know what to do....block out time and just write. And still I haven't.
This week is also significant because my marriage, which ended five years ago, will be declared over in the family court on Friday. It's kind of a surreal time. New dreams are screaming to get out of me and old ones are being laid to rest. I also have an upcoming trip to the US in November, which I should be looking forward to but right now I'm kind of wondering if I have the time to go and yet I crave some new experiences, sights, smells and sounds to reinvigorate me. Maybe I'm just tired.
We all have these days from time to time. Days where the best laid plans go astray. And days when the things others say and their belief in your triggers your own inner demon who whispers in your ear about all the things on your list to do but haven't yet done, all the things you want to do in the future and what could go wrong and all the dreams you have and why should anyone else care about them. And the little voice that says maybe you don't deserve a holiday. You know what though? I do deserve a holiday. I do deserve joy. I do deserve to stand at the front of a room full of strangers and share the knowledge and experiences that have bought me here. Every single time I start a training I feel a little pang of that imposter.....maybe telling me that I'm not qualified, that people won't like me or that I'm fooling not only them but also myself by being there. And then my good twin steps up to remind me of all the great things that I have experienced. I'm reminded of all the amazing people I have had the honour to coach, teach and mentor. And then I go and look in my brag box which I keep in my office. It's full of letters, cards, messages and little gifts from those whose lives I have touched.
So....when your imposter rears her head (and her voice) tell her to get stuffed! You deserve this (whatever it is) and by golly you are going to relish it.
And now I'm off to take action on the rest of that list because I deserve the success that comes from crossing those things off. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your overwhelm is take a breath, write out all the stuff that is bothering you and get it out of your head.
Managing your stress.
While it can seem almost impossible to get rid of stress from your life, some simple steps can make you less susceptible to it. It is important to develop a lifestyle that is in line with your values, beliefs and attitudes. If you value family time, make the time to spend with the family. Likewise, if one of your values is good health, make the time to exercise.
Preventing stress need not be as hard as you think. Here are a few simple strategies that you may like to incorporate into your life. They may just help your life to be a little simpler and less stressful.
Dance – get your body moving. Whether you do a waltz, jive, salsa or contemporary dance, as long as you have comfortable shoes, dancing is a great way to both get fit and reduce stress. Exercise of any kind releases endorphins into the system and these are the feel good friends your body needs to maintain good mental health. So get moving and feel great.
Sing – sing along in the car. Singing like dancing releases built up tension in the body. Let it all out. Sometimes a good sing along is as good as yelling or screaming to release tension.
Learn to say no – only say yes to something after you have considered both options. If you do not consider both options then chances are that you are only saying yes out of fear of the consequences of saying no. next time you are asked something, think before you answer. If you need to get some practice in saying no, why not say ‘Let me think about that, I will get back to you’. This way you can think about it and if you feel like saying yes you can.
Get a life coach – this will help you to set goals and keep you on track to achieve them. A life coach is also a cheerleader, teacher and someone who will hold you accountable to your actions.
Cry if you want to – Tears can help the body to release toxins and tension. Sometimes all we need is a good cry to feel better.
Embrace Change – Look at changes as challenges, opportunities and new experiences. Reframing change into a positive light opens you up to the possibilities available within them.
Plan downtime – schedule time that is not allocated for any activity and use it to do whatever you want. Do not feel guilty if all you want is a sleep. Watch a movie, read a trashy magazine, chat on the phone with a friend. Whatever you want to do is fine.
Try adding just one of these strategies to your life every day and see how it transforms your life.
till next time, stay happy.
Happy New Year
This is the time of year when thoughts turn to what goals we want to achieve in the coming months. While most people are off work, the festivities have ended and there is a space between all the 'busy-ness' that is life, we often reflect on what we want to improve on, what we want to leave behind and what new adventures we want to have. Looking back on my goals for last year i was suprised that the biggest one came true for me right near the end of the year. I wanted to travel overseas and did just that in late november. I did not even remember writing it at the beginning of the year. Just goes to show how life works on making things come true.
I also do a goodbye list at this time of year. It reminds me that not everything is forever and sometimes to create room for the new we must let go of the old. I write a goodbye letter to those things i am releasing, thanking them for the lessons and the time. It is for my eyes only (unless i feel like sharing).
What traditions do you have when it comes to writing out new year resolutions? Why not comment and let us know.
Sherry is the principal coach and blogger at Inner Rhythm.