Imagine this, your partner comes home from work every day and tells you about all the idiots they have to work with, everything that went wrong and all the problems they are facing on a daily basis at their job. The whole time they are conveying this to you they are feeling all those feelings that go along with those negative conversations. After a period of time they only have to look at you and they feel those things.

Many relationships break down over time because the people in them do not know that what they are feeling while talking to and looking at someone is just as important as what they are saying and the tone that they use.

Now I have had people tell me that relationships are about sharing the good and the bad. That is true yes, however, if someone is stuck in a negative space and share that with their partner all the time, where are the good conversations? Where are the exciting conversations/ Where are the loving conversations?

So I would challenge you, if you are having a bad day at work (or wherever you spend your time) do not always come home and dump all that negativity on your partner. You will come to associate them with those negative conversations and they will come to dread you coming home because they know there will be no good news. Make the time to dream, set goals, discuss desires and share good things with one another and take the work frustrations out somewhere else. The gym is a good place to start. Get that negative stuff out of your system.

I would love to know what you think.

Many people will have heard of the 5 love languages as written about by Dr Gary Chapman. Dr Chapman states there are 5 main love languages. These are

1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical touch.
   

It doesn't take too much effort to work out which one of these makes you feel great. It may be a combination of two or three but in general, one will be dominant. The trouble is that most of us act in ways to other people that are our preferred 'language'. Skilled communicators, parents, partners and business people learn that the easiest and fastest way to get someone on your side is to speak with them in their language. When interacting with your teenager, why not think about what their love language is. If yours is gifts and theirs is quality time, then gifts won't mean as much to them as time dedicated to just being together. Conversely, if your language is words of affirmation and theirs is physical touch, then if you are telling them how great they are they won't hear it as loudly as if you give them a hug or a pat on the back.