There will be times when we experience emotions that don't seem all that positive. When we can learn to accept our emotions we can also find better ways of expressing them in appropriate ways. Some emotions are positive and helpful. We can help ourselves and our children, families and friends how to handle emotions and feeling by learning how to handle our own. Here are a few tips that may help you.

Some that we may struggle with are -

• Anger
  
• Resentment
  
• Hurt
  
• Fear
  
• Guilt
  
• Regret.

Anger:  Often seen as a negative but anger is actually appropriate sometimes. If someone is trying to drag you or someone you love away, then you are quite entitled to feel anger and use that energy to save yourself or your loved on.
In close relationships we can look for the hurt or fear that is underneath of anger. whether in ourselves or others, there is always underlying emotion. Learn to use anger as an instrument for change.

What's really going on?
'I need to communicate this to you in a way that we both feel heard.'

Resentment: is what we often feel when we blame others for how we feel or the circumstances we find ourselves in. Often what we feel as resentment is anger that we have not been able to express in appropriate ways. When we take full responsibility for our feelings we will see that resentment is a problem for us rather than the one we feel resentment for. 

What's really going on?
"I need to take responsibility for how I really feel and to change this situation.”

Hurt:  We feel hurt when our self-esteem has been wounded. This can only happen if our self-esteem is conditional on what others think of us. If we can learn to express our hurt without getting angry it can enhance our relationships with others.

What's really going on?
"I am feeling unloved or insignificant. I would like to feel close to you.''

Fear:  When we feel afraid is can be a sign that we don't have all the information so we should proceed with caution.

What's really going on?
"I need to take care. I need help."

Guilt: We feel guilty when we have done or said something that is in direct conflict with our own rules. This is a way for us to know that there is a better way to respond. We can feel guilty if we think we could have acted in another way or spoken differently. When we learn to think before we speak or act we will feel less guilt. 
What's really going on?
"I need to make amends or do things differently next time.''

Regret:  We feel regret we often run thoughts of 'if only' or 'what if'. It is often accompanied by sorrow, pain and hurt. When we can let go and accept we can be released from the pain of regret.

What's really going on?
"I need to acknowledge my pain and accept it without denial.''

How often do we let that inner voice beat us up? For many people the inner voice can be a constant negative chatter. We all have inner chatter going on all the time and as we learn to master our emotions and our state of mind, we can also learn to master the voice. We can silence the critic and turn up the cheer squad.

It is often the case that the inner voice is some well meaning, long gone, friend or family member who was trying to save us from ourselves. We can start to silence the critic by asking questions of it.
Is what is being said true?
Every time?
For everyone?
What am I learning from this experience?
How can I integrate the lesson into my life and leave the emotion behind (if it is negative)?

Working with a coach or NLP practitioner is one way to 'retrain' the voice to be supportive of your journey rather than being in the way of progress. Acknowledge, love and release those negative emotions and voices and move into a space of more tranquility and peace.
 
till next time

Sherry

Many people will have heard of the 5 love languages as written about by Dr Gary Chapman. Dr Chapman states there are 5 main love languages. These are

1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical touch.
   

It doesn't take too much effort to work out which one of these makes you feel great. It may be a combination of two or three but in general, one will be dominant. The trouble is that most of us act in ways to other people that are our preferred 'language'. Skilled communicators, parents, partners and business people learn that the easiest and fastest way to get someone on your side is to speak with them in their language. When interacting with your teenager, why not think about what their love language is. If yours is gifts and theirs is quality time, then gifts won't mean as much to them as time dedicated to just being together. Conversely, if your language is words of affirmation and theirs is physical touch, then if you are telling them how great they are they won't hear it as loudly as if you give them a hug or a pat on the back.