Inner Rhythm

Many people may have heard me speak of earth families, birth families and others. You may have heard others speak of people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

While we all have a family of origin, they are not always the family that we turn to for support, fun, to share good news or bad news or choose to spend our social time with. Earth families are the support that we create around ourselves as we grow older. While birth families are important, they ensure we arrive on the planet, birth families allow us the space and the support to grow.

For some people, earth families and birth families are the same. For others birth families and earth families are quite different and they may have little to do with their birth families. I am part of the latter group. Not because I am not grateful for my birth family, I am, but because I have no history with them. I was estranged from them at a young age and so created a new support network.

The others I speak of are those people who are acquaintances. We may meet them through our job or in our daily lives. Never underestimate your power in that situation to make someone else's life better. Go through life with a smile and share your joy of living with the world. Be grateful for everyone that you meet. For some people that may be the only time they are acknowledged.

If you would like to read the newsletter that I wrote on earth families, click here . If you like our newsletter please subscribe and make sure you never miss another one.



To hear an interview I did on radio last year click here

Some days i just cannot get my act together. Other days planning and organizing come much more easily. I have worked out that i can make things easier for myself if I do a few things. So here is my list of the top 5 things that help me get and stay focussed.

1. Eat well - I find if i eat food that is rubbish, I feel rubbish. I feel sluggish, tired and unable to focus. On the other hand, if I eat fresh, clean food, my brain thanks me by being clear and focussed.
2. Exercise - When I have done some excersize everything seems brighter, easier and more do-able than before. This year I made a commitment to myself to excersize more and those days I achieve more in every area.
3. Drink plenty of water - Sometimes our lack of focus is because we are dehydrated. The days when I don't drink enough water, I mentally drift off all over the place. I think the rule is 30mls of water for every kilo that you weigh. That means if you weigh 70kgs, you should be drinking a little over two litres per day.
4. Debate - If there is no-one else around and you are trying to plan and organise something, talk it out with yourself. Debate the pros and cons of decisions and changes that you want to make. You can do this verbally or on paper.
5. Know when to down tools - there may be days when the most productive thing you can do is to do nothing. This might be a bit harder if you work for someone else but keep in mind the leading cause of workplace absences is stress. If you are trying to push yourself and it just is not working, take yourself to a different environment or do something else. Your brain will still be working on the solution even while you are not focussing on it.

I would love to hear your tips for staying focused when you don't feel like it.

This is the time of year when thoughts turn to what goals we want to achieve in the coming months. While most people are off work, the festivities have ended and there is a space between all the 'busy-ness' that is life, we often reflect on what we want to improve on, what we want to leave behind and what new adventures we want to have. Looking back on my goals for last year i was suprised that the biggest one came true for me right near the end of the year. I wanted to travel overseas and did just that in late november. I did not even remember writing it at the beginning of the year. Just goes to show how life works on making things come true.

I also do a goodbye list at this time of year. It reminds me that not everything is forever and sometimes to create room for the new we must let go of the old. I write a goodbye letter to those things i am releasing, thanking them for the lessons and the time. It is for my eyes only (unless i feel like sharing).

What traditions do you have when it comes to writing out new year resolutions? Why not comment and let us know. 

There will be times when we experience emotions that don't seem all that positive. When we can learn to accept our emotions we can also find better ways of expressing them in appropriate ways. Some emotions are positive and helpful. We can help ourselves and our children, families and friends how to handle emotions and feeling by learning how to handle our own. Here are a few tips that may help you.

Some that we may struggle with are -

• Anger
  
• Resentment
  
• Hurt
  
• Fear
  
• Guilt
  
• Regret.

Anger:  Often seen as a negative but anger is actually appropriate sometimes. If someone is trying to drag you or someone you love away, then you are quite entitled to feel anger and use that energy to save yourself or your loved on.
In close relationships we can look for the hurt or fear that is underneath of anger. whether in ourselves or others, there is always underlying emotion. Learn to use anger as an instrument for change.

What's really going on?
'I need to communicate this to you in a way that we both feel heard.'

Resentment: is what we often feel when we blame others for how we feel or the circumstances we find ourselves in. Often what we feel as resentment is anger that we have not been able to express in appropriate ways. When we take full responsibility for our feelings we will see that resentment is a problem for us rather than the one we feel resentment for. 

What's really going on?
"I need to take responsibility for how I really feel and to change this situation.”

Hurt:  We feel hurt when our self-esteem has been wounded. This can only happen if our self-esteem is conditional on what others think of us. If we can learn to express our hurt without getting angry it can enhance our relationships with others.

What's really going on?
"I am feeling unloved or insignificant. I would like to feel close to you.''

Fear:  When we feel afraid is can be a sign that we don't have all the information so we should proceed with caution.

What's really going on?
"I need to take care. I need help."

Guilt: We feel guilty when we have done or said something that is in direct conflict with our own rules. This is a way for us to know that there is a better way to respond. We can feel guilty if we think we could have acted in another way or spoken differently. When we learn to think before we speak or act we will feel less guilt. 
What's really going on?
"I need to make amends or do things differently next time.''

Regret:  We feel regret we often run thoughts of 'if only' or 'what if'. It is often accompanied by sorrow, pain and hurt. When we can let go and accept we can be released from the pain of regret.

What's really going on?
"I need to acknowledge my pain and accept it without denial.''

How often do we let that inner voice beat us up? For many people the inner voice can be a constant negative chatter. We all have inner chatter going on all the time and as we learn to master our emotions and our state of mind, we can also learn to master the voice. We can silence the critic and turn up the cheer squad.

It is often the case that the inner voice is some well meaning, long gone, friend or family member who was trying to save us from ourselves. We can start to silence the critic by asking questions of it.
Is what is being said true?
Every time?
For everyone?
What am I learning from this experience?
How can I integrate the lesson into my life and leave the emotion behind (if it is negative)?

Working with a coach or NLP practitioner is one way to 'retrain' the voice to be supportive of your journey rather than being in the way of progress. Acknowledge, love and release those negative emotions and voices and move into a space of more tranquility and peace.
 
till next time

Sherry

Many people will have heard of the 5 love languages as written about by Dr Gary Chapman. Dr Chapman states there are 5 main love languages. These are

1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical touch.
   

It doesn't take too much effort to work out which one of these makes you feel great. It may be a combination of two or three but in general, one will be dominant. The trouble is that most of us act in ways to other people that are our preferred 'language'. Skilled communicators, parents, partners and business people learn that the easiest and fastest way to get someone on your side is to speak with them in their language. When interacting with your teenager, why not think about what their love language is. If yours is gifts and theirs is quality time, then gifts won't mean as much to them as time dedicated to just being together. Conversely, if your language is words of affirmation and theirs is physical touch, then if you are telling them how great they are they won't hear it as loudly as if you give them a hug or a pat on the back.